Season of Hope Page 11

  She followed his directions. Within seconds she shot through the rapids into calmer water. She released her paddle, setting it beside her, and buried her face in her shaking hands. Her chest heaved as she forced her breathing to slow, to return to normal.

  “Tori, look out!”

  She jerked her head up as a log floated toward her. Startled, she reached for her paddle but ended up knocking it in the water instead. “Oh, no!”

  She leaned over the side of the kayak to grab it, and as her fingertip grazed the foam grip, the kayak tipped. Before she could right herself, the kayak flipped over, launching her in the water. Her arms flailed as she went under. She pushed herself to the surface and choked as river water jammed her throat and lodged in her right ear. As she treaded water, her head knocked against the side of the capsized death trap.

  “Tori!” Jake slipped over the side of his kayak and swam toward her. He gripped her under her arms and hauled her to his chest. “Are you okay?”

  Rubbing her forehead, she coughed and nodded. “Yes, except for my ego.”

  “Bruised egos will heal. Let me look at your forehead.” He pried her fingers away and touched a tender area. She winced. “You have a red mark, but the skin’s not broken.”

  He released her and flipped her kayak right-side up. He retrieved the wayward paddle and dropped it inside. “Want to learn how to enter a kayak from the water?”

  “Is that my only option?”

  “How are your swimming skills?”

  “Much better than kayaking.”

  “Well, the island’s over there. This water’s not very deep. If you want to swim over, I’ll grab these and bring them to shore.”

  “I’ll pull my own.” Reaching for the carrying handle on the bow, Tori swam until her feet could touch the rocky bottom. She splashed through the water, slipping on the slick rocks, and dragged her kayak onto the pebbled shore. She unzipped her life jacket, toed off her wet outdoor sandals and collapsed on the grassy bank. The sunshine heated her chilled body. Northwestern Pennsylvania river water wasn’t very warm in June. Muscles she hadn’t used in a while quivered from exhaustion.

  Jake hauled his kayak next to hers, dug a couple of waterproof bags out of one of the compartments and tossed them next to her. He dropped beside her, pulled a red plaid blanket out of one, shook it out on the grass and invited her to sit. Reaching for the other bag, he took out two bottles of iced tea, a couple of sandwiches, a container of strawberries and a bag of what looked like smashed brownies.

  “What’s all of this?”

  “Food.” He shot her a smirk. “Figured you might’ve worked up an appetite.”

  “Don’t you have to do something to work up an appetite? All I did was flip my kayak.”

  “And you handled it like a champ. You didn’t panic and made it—and your kayak—safely to shore.” He handed her a bottle of tea.

  She smiled her thanks and allowed his compliment to warm her. She uncapped the bottle and read the words inside the cap.

  Everything you’ve always wanted is within distance.

  If only.

  Jake plopped on the blanket next to her, drew up his knees, then—using his opened bottle—he pointed to the arch of two broad oak trees on each side of the water. “See those two oaks? And how it looks like they’re growing toward each other?”

  Tori nodded.

  “It’s called Bridal Bend. When my grandparents were teenagers, they weren’t allowed to date because my grandma’s wealthy family felt my grandpa, a lowly farmer’s son, wasn’t good enough for their daughter. This creek separated both of their properties, so they used to sneak off to these oak trees to hang out. My great-grandfather found out and forbid her to see my grandfather. As soon as my grandma graduated high school, she was going to be sent to stay with family in upstate New York for the summer. So the night of her graduation, they came to this spot with one of my distant cousins who was a young pastor and eloped on this island.” Jake stood and held out a hand. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

  Tori capped her bottle and set it on the blanket, then took Jake’s hand as he led her to the broad oak.

  Without letting go of hers, he trailed his other hand over the bark until he came to a bare patch. “Here. Check this out.”

  She took a step closer to the tree and traced a jaggedly carved heart in the bark. “JH + VL 1954.”

  “Jacob Holland—I’m named after my grandfather—and Virginia Larson. Everyone called her Ginny. They were married fifty years until my grandma died of a heart attack fourteen years ago. Granddad couldn’t bear to live without her and ended up passing away a month later. They started the Holland Family Farm with only a couple of cows and a handful of chickens and later passed it on to my dad.”

  “That’s a beautiful story.” She traced the initials again. Initials that could be hers and Jake’s.

  “I’ve always admired them. They overcame obstacles to be together. And from the stories they’ve shared, their lives weren’t always easy, but they were there for each other. No matter what. They believed in the promises they made to each other in 1954 and did what it took to keep those vows. Our last family celebration with them was their fiftieth wedding anniversary.”

  “Sounds like they left behind a great legacy.”

  “They were like the American dream—they loved God, their family and the farm.” Jake turned and took Tori in his arms. He lifted his hands and cupped her jaw, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. “I want that, Tori. With you. I always have.”

  Before she could respond, he slid his fingers away from her face and threaded them through the tangles of her wet hair. His head lowered, and he covered her mouth with his.

  She cupped his face and allowed his cool lips to kiss her. For a moment, she savored the security of his embrace, the strength of his arms. For a moment, she breathed in the scents of sunshine and fresh air she associated with him. For a moment, she allowed herself to give in to those dreams of wondering what it would be like to have him hold her again.

  She gentled the kiss, then pulled away, pressing her forehead against his chest, her hand over his heart and feeling the rushing beats against her palm. His ragged breathing reminded her he wasn’t as immune to her presence as he wanted her to believe.

  Her heart pounding in her ears, she looked at him, his eyes dark and stormy.

  She had to tell him.

  “Oh, Jake.” She stroked her fingers through his wet hair. “I want that, too. I do...”

  His jaw tightened as his hold around her loosened. “Why am I sensing a but coming?”

  Tori lowered her eyes. “It’s just...there’s something... I need to tell you something. Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

  Jake lowered his hands and took a step back, pressing his back against the sturdy oak. “This doesn’t sound good.”

  She hated the gap between them. The gap that always seemed to be there. And now her words were going to cause a divide that may be too wide to bridge back together.

  Tears blurred her vision. A gust blew off the water, plastering her wet clothes to her like a second skin. Clouds forced away the sun, dropping them in the shadows.

  “Just tell me already. The silence is driving me crazy.”

  She blew out a breath and caught his gaze. “About three weeks after you’d been deployed, I’d woken up in the middle of the night bleeding and in a lot of pain. I had to be taken to the hospital.”

  “What happened?” He frowned, but the tenderness in his voice nearly unraveled the frayed knot tethering her emotions.

  “I had a miscarriage. I—I lost our baby.” A tear trailed down her cheek.

  Jake’s eyes widened. “Our what?” He dragged a hand through his wet hair. “Our baby? You were pregnant and didn’t tell me?”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t eve
n know I was pregnant. It was early. Too soon.”

  “But since then? Why wasn’t I ever informed? You could’ve sent a message. Tori, I should’ve known. I would’ve moved mountains to be there. Are you okay? Now, I mean?”

  “I’m fine. Physically. But there’s more. Somehow my dad found out—Kendra promises she never called him—and he came to see me at our apartment. I was vulnerable and lonely. And so sad. I missed you so much—I hated being apart from you. And my heart ached. Dad tried to talk me into coming back home, and when that didn’t work, he threatened to go after you and your family.”

  “Go after me? That’s ridiculous. You’re joking, right?”

  She shook her head. “I’m serious.”

  “Why? What kind of person does that? Sounds like something out of a bad movie.”

  “My father was very controlling, and he didn’t like it that neither of his daughters were under his thumb.”

  “You should have told me. I would have worked out a way to get home and help you.”

  “My dad—”

  “Let me guess—he told you not to contact me? He’d make things difficult for me, too?”

  She nodded. “I knew you wanted to make the Marine Corps your career, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that for you.”

  Jake released a harsh laugh. “This is ridiculous, Tori. Your father may have been wealthy, but he does not have that much influence with Uncle Sam. He was all talk and you fell for it. You threw away our marriage. You broke your promise. To me. To us.”

  “I did it to protect you, Jake.” Her voice choked as tears streamed down her face.

  “I didn’t need protecting, Victoria. I was a United States marine. I would’ve handled it. But you didn’t even let me try.”

  “I was only twenty-two, afraid and lonely. And stupid.”

  “No argument here. You wanted your dad’s love so badly that you threw away what I offered freely without condition. I love... I loved you, Tori. I meant those words I said when I promised to love and honor you. And if I had to protect you from your own family, I would have done so, but you didn’t even give me a chance to prove it. You just...walked away.”

  “I’m sorry, Jake.” A sob shuddered in her chest. Turning her back to him, she balled her hand and pressed it against her mouth.

  Telling him the truth was supposed to relieve her of the weight of her guilt that had been pressing on her heart.

  But instead it’d pushed him further away. He’d only see her for the silly, immature girl she once was.

  Tears coursed down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. She swallowed several times, trying to regain control of her emotions, but the look of raw pain on his face stamped in her memory caused her to grieve all over again.

  She cried for their lost dreams, their desire to have a family someday and the innocence of their crazy, almost reckless courtship.

  Jake touched her shoulder and turned her, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest and allowed him to swaddle her in the cradle of his embrace. She tightened her arms around his waist and clung to him as the tears flowed unchecked.

  He sniffed quickly and she turned her face to see him wiping his own tears with the pad of his thumb.

  He wanted what his grandparents and his parents had.

  With her.

  But now that wish would fly away in the wind like dandelion dust. Her confession ruined that. And she had no one to blame but herself.

  What should have been a perfect day ended in disaster. And there were some problems she just couldn’t paddle back from.

  Chapter Nine

  Somehow Jake had to get past the hurt and adjust to the fact that his ex-wife was going to be his neighbor and nothing more.

  The promises they’d made to each other in that tiny chapel had been broken. Because of fear. Because she believed her father’s word over his. And she’d never given Jake a chance to prove he could take care of her.

  At least now he knew why she’d left.

  Question was, could he do what it would take to keep her from walking away again?

  Did he even want to try?

  Could he trust her to stay, to be there to share all of his heart?

  He wasn’t sure.

  She didn’t believe his words—his promises—and he couldn’t trust her to stay.

  And the pain she’d gone through with losing her—no, their—baby, well, he struggled to wrap his head around that.

  He’d almost been a father.

  One more life God had taken from him.

  Jake closed his laptop and shoved it onto the coffee table. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes.

  He hadn’t been able to focus on the fund-raiser notes for the past hour so why bother pretending? They had a bunch of things left to do, but honestly he was so ready to be done with the whole thing.

  To get back to life before Tori returned.

  But what would that look like?

  Spencer’s ears perked as headlights spanned across the front of the house and tires crunched the gravel in the driveway.

  “Sounds like Dad’s home, ole boy.” Jake scratched the Lab’s head.

  Spencer shot off the couch as the door between the garage and the laundry room opened.

  Dad appeared in the doorway wearing tan dress pants and a light blue dress shirt opened at the throat—clothes he typically wore to church.

  “Nice threads. What’s the occasion?”

  Dad scowled and looked at his watch. “What are you doing up? It’s past midnight.”

  “Couldn’t sleep.” Jake rubbed his forehead. A dull ache pounded behind his skull.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  “What makes you think there’s something on my mind?”

  “Well, for starters, you answered my question with a question. Plus, you’ve been moody and distracted all week. Something going on between you and Tori?”

  “No.”

  Absolutely nothing.

  Dad wandered over to the couch and sat next to him. Spencer jumped up between them and rested his chin on Dad’s knee. Dad leaned his head against the back of the couch and looked at Jake. “Kid yourself all you want, but you can’t fool your old man.”

  Jake released a sigh. “Last week when Tori and I went kayaking, we ended up at Bridal Bend. I told her I wanted what Granddad and Grandma had...with her.”

  “Judging by your hound dog expression, that didn’t go over well.”

  “She confessed why she’d left.” Jake pushed to his feet and moved in front of the window, staring out into the darkness punctuated by the barn lights. “When we were married, after I’d been sent overseas, Tori ended up in the hospital.”

  “What happened?”

  Jake’s throat thickened as tears pressed against the backs of his eyes. “She lost—” His voice cracked. Horrified at losing it in front of his father, Jake scrubbed a hand over his face and exhaled a deep sigh. “She lost our baby.”

  Even now, the words still seemed so surreal.

  Dad moved behind him and rested a hand on his shoulder, their reflections mirrored in the windowpane. “Son, I’m sorry. So sorry. And you just found out?”

  Jake nodded, rubbing his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. He dragged a hand through his tangled hair. “After she was released from the hospital, her dad paid her a visit—Tori still doesn’t know how he found out. Basically the jerk blackmailed her into ending our marriage.”

  “How so?”

  Jake’s voice rose as he paced while relaying what Tori had told him a week ago.

  “Sounds like she was scared and didn’t know what to do.” Dad shoved his hands in his trouser pockets and jingled his change.

  “But that’s the thing, Dad, she never gave me a chance to show her.
She sent those papers without even talking to me. I could’ve taken emergency leave and been there for her, fought for her.”

  “Why didn’t you do it anyway?”

  “My commanding officer said she’d file harassment charges if I tried.”

  “Sounds like her father’s words. Not hers.”

  Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and then Tucker appeared in the family room rubbing his eyes and wearing a wrinkled yellow T-shirt with a green John Deere logo and tan cargo shorts, his hair resembling a cactus. “What’s with the yelling?”

  Jake dropped on Dad’s favorite recliner. “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to wake you. Dad asked about Tori and I guess I got a little heated.”

  “Don’t worry about me, but if you wake the twins, they’re all yours until you get them back to sleep.” He sat on the edge of the coffee table and batted at his brother’s knee. “What’s going on?”

  Suddenly drained, Jake gave him the condensed version.

  Tucker let out a low whistle and shook his head. “That’s tough. Sorry, man. What’s your next step?”

  Jake shot him a look. “Next step for what?”

  “Getting Tori back, of course.”

  “What makes you think I want her back? Did you hear what I told you?”

  “Dude, you’ve been moping since that kayak trip. I get how it feels when life punches you in the gut, but now you have a choice to make—allow the past to keep you from having the future you want or get up and fight for it. I’m sorry she hurt you. It stinks. Really, it does, but it’s in the past. You can’t change it. Learn from it, forgive her and move forward.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “And you’re complicating it like a fifteen-year-old. Dial down the drama.”

  “This is more than a high school crush, you jerk. She was my wife.” Jake punched his brother in the shoulder.

  Tucker slugged him back. “Then man up and fight for her. Talk to her. Listen to her. Show her you want her in your life. Chicks dig that kind of stuff.”

  “Have plenty of experience with chicks, do you?”

  Tucker held up his left hand where his ring remained despite the years since his wife’s passing. “Hey, Rayne and I celebrated ten years before I lost her. How many anniversaries have you had?”